Introducing… Sterling Robinson Tieman

Heyyyyyy… So I thought I should do a quick update since, you know, it has been a YEAR since I last wrote a blog post. I have contemplated on checking in or giving an update because this blog was never intended to be a pregnancy, post pregnancy, or mom blog. It was always a place to share my struggle through infertility. But I guess this blog wouldn’t be complete without the one thing that made this whole, crazy, rollercoaster journey worth it. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to….

Miss Sterling Robinson Tieman

IMG_7367

Obviously she isn’t a newborn anymore- queue the ugly sad tears. Sterling is now 7 months old and “talking” and moving around like a wild banshee. She has been the sweetest and happiest baby I could have ever of hoped for. She is our little miracle. She is the one that was supposed to be.

So what now?

I feel like I want to write and share more. I want to write about how hard being pregnant was. How crazy, but amazing my labor and delivery were. How hard and rewarding motherhood is, and you know, everything and anything baby and mom related. I do not think this is the blog for that, I don’t know, maybe it is, or maybe it is time to start a new chapter on a different blog. What are your ladies thoughts? What did you do with your blog when and if you succeeded in growing your family? Do you think it is appropriate to blog about babies and motherhood on the same blog? 

Until then here is what I have to say to my fellow warriors, don’t loose hope. Do your research. Educate yourself. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. Pray. Love your partner hard. Keep fighting. The struggle is real. The payoff is priceless.

xoxo Rikki + Family

family photos

 

 

Advertisements
Standard

Twisted Thoughts

Ever wonder if other infertile women think the way you do? I’m talking about those really crazy, twisted thoughts we sometimes feel. The ones we don’t speak out loud and cringe to even be thinking them.

You know the ones. I know you do.

The thoughts that would prompt a knowing nod or laughter from other infertiles…and condemnation from the rest of society.

Here are some thoughts I have maybe had on my lowest days… {queue disgusted face}

-Peeling the stick figure families off those minivans. Would you spare the pets or just leave the couple standing alone? I flipping LOATH stick figure families on the back of cars. I mean really….

-Buying a sort of ugly baby outfit you know, the ones with tons of bows on it…or a Diaper genie… for a baby or shower gift because the thought of 100+ dirty diapers crammed into the nursery corner would bring me a shred of comfort during an unbearably painful event.

-Running into the back of a minivan with a “Baby on Board” plaque. I really don’t think you need a sign that screams that considering you are driving a freakin’ minivan.

-When I see a kid’s “binky” go missing in a public place, maybe I let the inattentive Mom scramble a bit to find it so she can learn her lesson.

-Have you ever been in such a bad mood that, instead of mustering a smile, you actually kind of “stared down” a baby when its mom wasn’t looking…and it cried? And you didn’t feel guilty?

-Unfriend someone on Facebook for posting too many pregnancy updates, maternity photos, or baby pictures.

-This one is awful… Secretly wished the pregnancy wasn’t successful. Shame on.

-While shopping in a store and a toddler is running around pulling everything off the shelves while Mom is chasing behind franticly picking up after it.  Maybe I smile to myself. It’s nice to enjoy my Trader Joes visit calm, cool, and collected.

If you related to any of the above scenarios…or have your own list…it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Occasional jealous or angry thoughts are common when you are infertile. No judgments here.

{thanks for a couple of your twisted thoughts Tracey Minella}

Standard

The Best of Times. The {semi}Worst of Times.

I feel horrible even writing this post.

This weekend was a combination of amazingness/jealously/sadness/blah. But mostly amazingness.

It all started on Friday morning when my best group of girlies were headed out to Palm Springs for a Bachelorette party. We rented a HUGE house right in the heart downtown of Palm Springs, fully stocked with booze, pool, food, and lady loves! I was excited to be heading out there with my best friend {who was in town from San Fran} and her sister. It would give us time to catch up.

{Side note:: my BFF has an almost 3 year old and has been trying to get pregnant with her second for over a year. She is having issues like myself and just went to the a fertility specialist who told her she is probably having hormonal issues and will need lots of blood work and hormones. She was excited to get answers and start the process of everything next month. I was excited for her too that she had answers and a starting point.}

So its 7:00am and we made a pit stop at 7-11. Her sis gets out of the car and my BFF turns to me and says, “I have some really exciting news…” {you obviously know where this is going}. YUP. She is pregnant. {Way too early to tell your infertile BFF that you are having a baby in 9 months}. She randomly took a test the day before we left just because, and it turned out to be positive. Dumb on her part. I mean who takes a pregnancy test before a bachelorette weekend filled with fun and Beer Olympics?? You wait until you get home people! After all that worry and doctors appointments and having sex maybe only once that month she winds up pregnant. Before me. Without me. We had even talked about being pregnant together at this friends bachelorette party and wedding. How that would suck, but would also be really cool. We had blah blah blahed about it on more than one occasion. Pretty ironic if you ask me. {ps if you know who my BFF is please don’t say anything. she is obviously not telling people yet. and don’t tell her you heard it from me. thanks. ha}

Annyyywhhooo I know I sound like a total bitch. Sorry. I am really so happy for her. And I love her so much. I am happy she doesn’t have to live life as an infertile anymore, but at the same time I am really aggravated with my own situation and it brings back all those negative emotions that I have been working so hard to get over. I know I am wallowing in self pity and its not a good look, but I don’t know how to stop at the moment. It feels again like another ally, another infertile, another empathetic person is now on the other side of the fence. At least she lives in San Fran and I don’t have to see her growing belly or talk baby talk everyday. I know. I’m a bitch.

I was somewhat distant from her the rest of the weekend even though we were sharing a room and a bed. I didn’t want to hear about it. I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to pretend that it wasn’t happening. I didn’t bring the subject up again after we exited the 2 1/2 hour car ride. I walked out of the room every time she was making an announcement of why her drink of choice for the weekend was O’Douls. Of course I put on a brave face and acted somewhat excited, but other than that I was mute about the subject. I know this is horrible, but I don’t know how to deal. In my heart I guess I knew she would get pregnant before me, but I didn’t want to believe it. So now I am having to go through my grieving process all over again, like a person who has relapsed in AA. Although I would say I am not back at step 1. Probably only a step 3. In the end I know I will learn to be truly happy for her.

Other than that the weekend was the best girls weekend ever. LIKE EVER. We had such a great time and I wish I could go on about it all day, but you know what they say… what happens in Palm Springs. Stays in Palm Springs. Unless your best friend tells you she is knocked up. Then that goes on the blog.

Standard

Inner Transformations

Yeah! I got my new book in the mail, Inner Transformations Using Essential Oils.

I already skipped to the chapter on Infertility & Sex Hormones and I gotta say it’s pretty interesting stuff. Dr. LeAnne has found that most women who cannot get pregnant have problems with their bowel and liver functions. Stagnant bowels send toxins into the uterus and a malfunctioning liver causes hormonal imbalances. She says by doing a colon and liver cleanse that most of her female patients got pregnant within 3-6 months. Of all the women she worked with, where their husbands had viable sperm, only five did not get pregnant after doing the cleanses and these five women were all sisters who had emotional issues. On top of that, most of the women she works with have unexplained infertility or hormonal imbalances. Encouraging.

Another huge thing is progesterone and estrogen balance in the body. We all know progesterone is a key factor in getting pregnant and maintaining a pregnancy, but I feel like we forget about estrogen. Generally speaking, the majority of women have an excess amount of estrogen and a deficiency of progesterone. It is important to balance the two. I have found that even on progesterone suppositories my number was really low and I would break through bleed while taking it. Not a good sign.

I will be doing the colon cleanse immediately, followed by the Master Cleanse this winter {I hate the master cleanse, but I gotta do what I gotta do}, and then the liver cleanse in spring. We will see what comes from it! I will also be starting Progessence from Young Living Essential Oils.

There is so much great information in this book if you are looking to go the holistic route in dealing with fertility treatments as well as great info on other ways to get your vital organs and inner body in tip top shape using oils and vitamins.

Standard

Essential Oils + Fertility

Yeah. Yeah. You have heard it again and again. Over and over from me. We are “taking a break” for a year to regroup and decide which direction we want to go in when the time comes. Since we will not be doing anything extreme or invasive for a while I have been researching a lot of holistic and natural ways of conceiving. I know what you might be thinking. Skeptical, wooheyy, whatever. I am too, but I feel like I am wasting time just sitting idly by when I can maybe do something positive to help my bod get into amazing baby making shape. I would wayyy rather conceive naturally than blow through my kids entire college fund before I even have one. Or better, blowing up my body with crazy meds and emotions to have it result in nothing other than a waste of time, energy, and money. I haven’t dived into the realm of oils, crystals {ok we do have a moonstone under our bed}, or eating totally crazy yet. I know it seems a little backwards- maybe I should have been doing this all along and in conjunction with. So heck why not? If anything I will smell pretty and maybe I will feel a little better too.

I recently became part of a group on Facebook called Fuller Life- Young Living. They are all about essential oils and natural remedies. I got the guts to post about our infertility “situation” and asked for advice on any oils that can be used to maximize fertility or help or anything. I was amazed at the responses I got back. Here is the advice I received::

“Please get the book Inner Transformation using Essential Oils, the success rate of ladies who struggle with the same infertility become pregnant using the guidelines in this book following the Colon cleanse etc. using the Young Living Supplements. It will be so worth it!”

“I used a similar product to pro plus (didn’t know about yl yet) plant base progesterone ointment……. went from dr saying I was not making any estrogen and therefor could not get pregnant to surprise eight weeks later, I might mention I believe god opens and closes the womb and we were also at Disney world, so there are a lot of variables there for me lol but I would love to pray for you guys and recommend oiling up with male booster like blue spruce and golden rod and maybe some pro plus and any other hormone oils, there are lots if you do some searching and trying what’s best for you. I have grown to love into the future as well and am reminded to pray over our future when I put it on. Best wishes!”

“This is Ken’s wife, Angie. I cannot find my book this evening to look it up, but I think Gary Young’s new book, “Ancient Einkorn” mentions infertility being one of the side-effects of GMO grain. Excellent book….”

“I have Doctor Leanne’s book Taming the Dragon and she mentions in the book that a certain cleanse has seen major results. Worth checking out:)”

“I’m not a dr and every case is different but I suffered myself and learned later & after much heartache, my unexplained infertility was due to a folic acid mutation deficiency.. Make sure your doc puts you on prescription folic acid and eat lots of healthy organic foods with folic acid. I would eat only organic while ttc… Following on what others suggest for YLO… Best of luck to you and your husband.”

“I went to a naturopath…..I had heavy cycles horrible cramps and very moody he told me it’s from too much estrogen and I took 3 supplements for a month and was preggo a month later!!!!!”

Inner Transformations!!! LeAnne Deardeuff spent many woman with that problem!”

“If you are high in estrogen, the try progessence plus to level out. Commit to at least 6 months with the oils. Continue the PP after you conceive until the pregnancy is firmly implanted and producing progesterone. Then start it back up at delivery to prevent post partum depression and mood swings.”

I got this concocktion for bumping up libido! {pun intended}

Orange Wong's photo.
Ranna Seah's photo.
“If you are going to try this, please use a organic tampon. 🙂 {obviously I want to try this one}”

 

WoW. I really loved all these responses and feel like they all have great information. I haven’t quite decided which direction I want to go in yet. I am still drinking Fertilitea twice a day. It tastes good and I didn’t feel my ovulation this month- which is weird I can always feel it and it hurts! So maybe my hormones are balancing out? IDK. I didn’t have a hormone problem to begin with. I don’t think. I really hate doctors. The more I learn about them the more I think they are idiots and too “by the book”. And they are insensitive. And blah. Anywho, sorry about the ADD. Back to oils. I already use some for when I get sick with a cough or cold or I cant sleep, so why not try it for fertility. I am probably going to purchase the Inner Transformations book or Taming the Dragon book or both. And that tampon thing. Why not. Ready go.

Standard

027a1b2503c005fd8b41418181029fba

LOL Thursdays

Image

Fertili{tea} = Fertility

Hopefully.

A couple months back I was doing a little holistic research on infertility and I came across this product:: Fertilitea {cute play on words}. It has amazing reviews, all natural herbs- things I have taken before and includes green tea which is my fave for so many reasons- and lots of women have gotten preggers. Now I am not saying this will be my “cure”, but heck since I am just sitting around and I have no medical reason why I can’t get pregnant I thought why not try this tea that may help my fertility.

I have noticed since stopping meds and treatments in June that my period has become shorter and shorter the last few months. I was usually at a 27-28 day cycle. It has gone from 26 to now 24 days. Weird. It is still “on time” but way short. Supposedly this tea helps “normalize” your cycle and help with sexual appetite- not a problem here, mood- I’m such a bitch, reproduction function, and regulating periods- although you can use it if you are already regular.

Anyways, starting now and giving it a go. I will let you know what happens in the next few months.

{ps cycle day 1 is today so it was perfect timing to start. Check out more on amazon.com for reviews and info about the tea. I would also be interested to know if any of you have tried it}

Standard