Sorry. Not Sorry.

{warning. do not read if you get easily offended or do not want to hear an angry rant post.}

Dammnn it! I thought this blog world was a “safe place”. Not so much these days on my feed. I don’t know about ya’ll but I have stopped following a decent amount of people this week, for reasons I am sure you can figure out on your own. Let me give you a clue- they might be are pregnant. For God sakes I am following women who have been trying to get pregnant for 10 years without success, women with lots of disorders that are preventing them from getting pregnant, and so on.  I figured I would be the one getting preggo and spreading the glorious news all over WordPress “See it works, just keep thinking positive and keep trying and your dreams with come true!”. Blow me.  It sucks because it has pretty much left me with like 5 following-ers. Time to find new friends 🙂

I know I have been talking about how strong I feel and how great I have been handling situations that involve pregnant women lately, but for some reason this feels different. It feels like I have been cheated on. I guess I never wanted to admit to myself that some of these women I follow would eventually end up pregnant- with or without me. I imagined this safe little bubble of people that were always going to be infertile, trying, and writing about how much pregnant girls suck.

I’m sorry not sorry that I don’t feel happy and excited for you. I know I probably come off like a horrible, bitter, crazy person, but I am voicing my truth. I’m sorry not sorry that I am not more compassionate and understanding of you. I do hope all the best for these women and their growing families. Of course I do. I understand now that I am not at a point in my growth where I can relish in someone else’s baby happiness with them just yet. And that is okay.

Can I ask one question? Why? Why would you blast that news all over your blog when you know that most of your followers are in the same situation that you were once in? I would think infertiles a like would have a little more sensitivity towards the community that they have been sharing in. Or have you already forgotten what it is like?

 

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{end angry rant post}

 

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9 thoughts on “Sorry. Not Sorry.

  1. inconceivablefc says:

    I have often been far more upset with people’s pregnancy announcements in the blogosphere than in real life. Actually, it can frustrate me so much that I “unfollow” them but not because they are happily announcing their pregnancy. I don’t think the amount of fanfare matters, it only matters that I am still not pregnant while some other infertile is….it is a blow to my dreams. I think the pregnancy announcements are important because it is a source of hope for is many women too. I totally understand what you are feeling…..I really found the “unfollow” option useful for self-protection.

  2. connieann says:

    I’m so sorry! I know my situation is a little different, but my heart goes out to you. I know for a fact I’ll never be pregnant (shockingly learned I don’t have a uterus) but surprisingly that doesn’t give me the closure you’d think it would. I still feel so incredibly sad whenever an infertility blogger announces a pregnancy. I’ve been known to throw my laptop on occasion. In fact, I often have a hard time following infertility blogs, because I know mine is permanent, and sometimes it’s hard for me to deal with people hoping. The pain is so real, and your feelings are absolutely valid. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending you a hug.

    • Thank you Connie for your kind words! I’m sorry to hear your situation and I think I can understand why you would still have the feelings you do- about not having closure and maybe even having some kind of hope. Being a women I think we might always feel that way. Sending you a hug and prayers right back xoxo

  3. Sending hugs. I know many of us have those same thoughts. Some days are easier for me than others. I always have to unfollow those that put pictures up, that will pop up unexpectedly in my feed. I often wonder why there can’t be a warning or something. Some bloggers are very respectful, while others seem to forget where they came from… It’s so damn challenging to be on the ‘not pregnant’ side of it all for so long. 😦

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