A 9 week Secret.

Obviously I am not very good at keeping secrets because I can’t even wait until the “socially correct” 12 weeks to announce, or in the “infertility blog” world people post daily updates about where they are in their two week wait or update about the first minute they pee on a stick and get a positive… I mean I still can’t even believe I am growing a little human inside of me. I have been going back and forth about posting our news for some time now. I would NEVER want a social media post to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have been there. I have been on the other side of pregnancy and birth announcements. There is so much heartache along with happiness that comes with each person sharing their joyous news. I am posting this to give hope to any woman out there who is in the midst of their struggle. There is hope. Don’t give up.

IVF #2 was a success for us. I almost gave up. I almost didn’t want to go through the process again. We would not be here today… 9 weeks pregnant, if we would have given up on our dream to become parents.

Lets back up since I have not posted since our transfer… Here is what has been happening… I will try and be brief:

We transferred two genetically perfect embryos. One boy and one girl. The clinic wanted me to wait until my beta blood test for results, but come on, who can wait 13 days to find out if the process was a success or not! So I decided to test at 6dp5dt because I was having a little cramping and some brown spotting. POSITIVE, what the what. On a first response and a digital. A freaking positive. Now, I have never had a positive ever before, so you can imagine my shock. I thought seeing those two lines would make me feel at ease, but it opened up another can of emotions and ease was not one of them. Flash forward 2 days when I could finally tell my husband, (he had been at work and I thought the news would be best shared in person). He was so happy. It is funny though. Both of our reactions were nothing like I had dreamt up in my head… He was more excited and I was less… Hard to explain.

Then came my beta blood tests… my first one was over 700! Which is extremely high for a first beta. The clinic was looking to see at least 100 closer to 200. That made me feel a little more at ease and it also made me think we were having twins, until…. A week later I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom only to find bright red blood in my undies. It was the scariest thing ever. To think something bad was happening after all we had been through. I was able to talk to the on call nurse and she told me not to worry, that bleeding can be very normal in early pregnancy as long as I didn’t have horrible cramping- which I did not and the bleeding lasted for only a few wipes. The next day they sent me for a beta blood test and progesterone test to make sure my levels were ok and moved my ultrasound up for a day later. Good news… beta was over.. oh my gosh I can’t remember now… but it was really high still and progesterone was normal too… thank God. The next day I had my ultrasound. I was so nervous to look at that screen…. Low and behold ONE healthy baby pea with an amazing heartbeat! They don’t know where the blood came from or why I had bleeding, but said it was very common in early pregnancy. (I was thinking maybe it was my body getting rid of the other embryo…. which makes me a little sad, but it is also hard to be sad when we have finally gotten what we had always prayed about, a healthy baby). Obviously we do not know the sex now because only one took. I don’t think I want to find out either. There have been no surprises in this journey so I think not knowing the baby’s sex until he/she pops out would be fun!

From there things seem to have taken off… I have all the classic symptoms of pregnancy. I am sooooo sick. The “all day sickness” as I like to call it settled in around 7.5 weeks. Mine seems to be worse in the afternoon and at night. We had another ultrasound and baby is growing perfectly. It now has little arms and legs and is moving around. It blows my mind how fast they grow in there! For all you ladies symptom spotting or want to know if something is “normal” let me tell you… I have had pretty much everything you read about and if you are experiencing it, it is probably normal…

-spotting at 6dp5dt

-cramping on and off through entire first trimester so far- this is normal as there is a lot of growth and action going on in your uterus.

-red spotting

-fatigue- and by that I mean I feel like I have been shot with a tranquilizer gun.

-all day sickness

-bloating

-the one thing I haven’t experienced yet is sore boobs or growing boobs. I am praying things stay this way, as I already have ginormous boobs and I don’t need any more. Thanks.

Honestly, no one tells you how much the first trimester sucks. I mean, maybe girls did and I just thought they were being dramatic. I didn’t believe it. Or maybe you just don’t know until you know. But it sucks. I know I probably sound ungrateful, but I promise I am not. Every day no matter how bad I am feeling, I take a minute to just be thankful as to where I am at in this pregnancy and on this journey. I am pregnant. I can’t believe I get to say that. So for all you other beautiful, strong, courageous women, Don’t give up. Never stop believing in your miracle. Ours was 5 years in the making.

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