Introducing… Sterling Robinson Tieman

Heyyyyyy… So I thought I should do a quick update since, you know, it has been a YEAR since I last wrote a blog post. I have contemplated on checking in or giving an update because this blog was never intended to be a pregnancy, post pregnancy, or mom blog. It was always a place to share my struggle through infertility. But I guess this blog wouldn’t be complete without the one thing that made this whole, crazy, rollercoaster journey worth it. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to….

Miss Sterling Robinson Tieman

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Obviously she isn’t a newborn anymore- queue the ugly sad tears. Sterling is now 7 months old and “talking” and moving around like a wild banshee. She has been the sweetest and happiest baby I could have ever of hoped for. She is our little miracle. She is the one that was supposed to be.

So what now?

I feel like I want to write and share more. I want to write about how hard being pregnant was. How crazy, but amazing my labor and delivery were. How hard and rewarding motherhood is, and you know, everything and anything baby and mom related. I do not think this is the blog for that, I don’t know, maybe it is, or maybe it is time to start a new chapter on a different blog. What are your ladies thoughts? What did you do with your blog when and if you succeeded in growing your family? Do you think it is appropriate to blog about babies and motherhood on the same blog? 

Until then here is what I have to say to my fellow warriors, don’t loose hope. Do your research. Educate yourself. Take care of yourself mentally and physically. Pray. Love your partner hard. Keep fighting. The struggle is real. The payoff is priceless.

xoxo Rikki + Family

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you’re the only TENN-i-SSEE

Recap of our trip to Tennessee… it was AMAZING. I forgot how much I love that state. I love our family there. I love the scenery. I love the moonshine. We had a great week celebrating my birthday and spending quality time with our cousins. It always goes by so fast!

Highlights::

We drove the loop in The Smoky Mountains, which was insanely beautiful and we made it just in time because the next day it snowed!!

We homemade some moonshine. {Rye is my favorite}

We went to Gatlinburg, which is such a fun little town. We drank more moonshine.

We sat on the front porch in rocking chairs.

We had family dinner at my husbands Aunt and Uncles house. It is so awesome. It is a log cabin that they built from the ground up. Auntie Kris even made my favorite cake for my birthday. LEMON!

We antiqued. And found a cool vintage moonshine mug that we couldn’t live without.

We hung out the little cousins {Charlie and Tatum} and it was so fun.

We drank more moonshine.

Here are some photos from our trip… Enjoy xoxo

 

 

 

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Tennessee.

We have come full circle. 3 years ago we began our “real” baby making journey on a trip to bring my husband back home from the South. A trip which began in lovely Tennessee. In a few days we will be heading back there to visit family and celebrate my last birthday in my 20’s. A spontaneous trip non the less!

Let me back up. Hubs and I had started trying/not trying in September of 2011. In the midst of that hubs was going to be attending an accelerated paramedic program in Indiana in January 2012 for 3 months. We decided if we were not pregnant by the time he left, that we would start trying/trying in April when I flew out to meet him in Tennessee to road trip back home. {hubs has awesome family in Tennessee, which is why we were meeting out there}. Fate would have it that I was ovulating on that trip, but God had other plans. Interesting enough if I do fall pregnant this month we will be in Tennessee finding out either way. And if I’m not, you know who will be moonshinin’ their heart out? THIS GIRL.

So here we are again. Heading to Tennessee 3 years later, right in the same place as we started. Maybe a little wiser and definitely a little bit older.

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Happiness + Infertility

Most of the time in my infertility journey I feel like I am living in “Happiness Limbo”. I don’t know if any of you have experienced this same feeling, but I will try and explain it.

I am usually a pretty happy person generally speaking, but I have found in the past 3 years that my happiness level has decreased significantly. I find my lows are lower and my highs are higher. Am I bipolar? Sometimes I feel like I am. With infertility I feel like I am always waiting, thinking, and assuming I will be happy, happier, happiness, happiest when I have a baby and start a family of my own. I know this is a pretty shitty mind set to have, but it is really hard not to think this way. The pressure and stress of not getting what you want, not understanding why things aren’t going according to plan, and why you aren’t capable of doing what your body was made to do is a pretty hard pill to swallow. It makes me depressed, it makes me sad, it makes me not happy.

I think the emotion people are always striving for the most is happiness and it is the hardest to obtain and keep. So how do I get out of this “happiness limbo” and live my life happy in the NOW? Here are some tips and realizations I have come to:

– Having a baby will not truly complete me and make me a happier person all in its self. Yes. I believe it will help, but I also need to learn to be happy if that possibility never happens.

– Appreciate what I have. I have so much and no more money, babies, dogs, clothes, etc. are going to make me a happier person.

–  Watch the documentary Happy. This is such a great film and really puts life into perspective. People around the world are happy in situations I never thought imaginable. If they can be happy with cleaning up cow poop everyday and living in a hut, I think I can be pretty happy about the cards I was dealt.

– Listen to The Power Of Now. It has helped me to live in the now and find happiness in the littlest of things. Even washing my hands.

– Do things that make me happy. Work out. Read. Swim. Snuggle.

– Be happy.

I understand life is such and we aren’t expected to he happy all the damn time, but I WANT to be happy MOST of the time. I really do believe it is possible with a change in my mind set and priorities. I want out of this “happiness limbo” once and for all. I used to get these bursts of feelings all the time. {Remember I used to be a happy person} I can’t even explain this feeling other than its like a whole light just explodes in my body for no reason and I feel so light, free, and happy… Like I said, I used to get it all the time, but now it comes few and far between. The last time I felt this way was when I was driving down the freeway blasting the music in my car and all of a sudden this overwhelming feeling of sheer joy hit me. Today it happened again.

The Fam decided to head to the Bay since San Diego was going to reach an all time high this weekend, of like 1 million degrees. We loaded the car, headed out early this morning, and hung out there all day. It was a perfect, perfect day. The water was just right to cool off, the sun was out, the sky was clear, the cocktails were cool. We kayaked, played smashball and scrabble {I got my ass kicked}. We chatted, we laughed. We ate at our favorite sandwich place for dinner. We ended the night having a family swim in the pool, and laughed some more. I can say today, I am happy, happy, happy.

So I will strive to keep this feeling going. I will get it together and stop living my life in the future and past. I don’t want to wake up one day in 20 years and be like “fuck. where did my life go. oh yeah I was worrying about having a baby the whole time.” There is so much more to life people. I won’t let infertility win.

 

here are some pics from today. enjoy.

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