#100happydays

Obviously I didn’t do any better on posting my #100happydays week by week! Soooo here are a bunch of pictures that make me happy from days 24-34… Enjoy xoxo

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WOW I have really slacked off. Here are things that make me happy Day 8::Day 23.

They are not in order and I can’t remember which days are which right now because of my lacking organization skills on this project and slackation, so instead I will just post the pictures and tell you why it makes me happy 🙂 I will be better next week!

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new rug for a bargain. dorie loves it too.

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doing what I love.

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fridays.

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target. enough said.

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watching the sunset from the hammocks.

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my chix.

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moscow mules by the pool.

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a fresh mani/pedi.

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watching the hunger games with aunt sherri.

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evenings at the bungalow.

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getting to work with this PYT.

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mom & hubs working in the yard together.

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spontaneous movie & sushi date nights.

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sundays.

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sharkweek!

 

#100happydays

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What Now…

I can’t believe our journey is over… for now anyways. With our second failed IUI we have decided to cool it for awhile and enjoy life together. For us the next steps in trying to have a baby will come at a great cost and lots of major decisions. I don’t think hubs and I are ready for all that right now. I am definitely taking time to grieve and be sad, but I am not letting it control my life.

Ways to console ones self:

* buy a new handbag. I bought hubs bought me a new Kate Spade purse and wallet that I have been wanting for a long time. I even got a cream colored one since I won’t be having a baby that will spit up or poop on it anytime soon.

* get a new car. Yes we bought a new car. All the bells and whistles. I am in LOVE. { thanks bro and sis in law} I am making up excuses to drive it everywhere. “Honey are you sure you don’t need me to run to Target again?”

* get a chocolate malt from Cold Stone. Chocolate helps everything. It may be the cause of some of my woes, but it is the cure as well.

* dance your booty off. We had a wedding yesterday and it was great to just let it all out on the dance floor.

* drink more wine than usual. Have 4 glasses instead of 2.

* tan it out. Vitamin D is good for the soul.

* convince hubs we need another puppy. Dorie dog for sure needs a fur brother or sister.

Hubs was sweet and brought me flowers and a card when everything went down, but we really hadn’t had a conversation about what’s next. As we were sitting at the pool yesterday in silence Hubs says, “We are so blessed.” He went on to point out all the good we have in our life, how fortunate we are to have such a loving and caring family, how blessed we are to have a beautiful home, and how lucky we are to have found love with each other. That is all enough for me, he said. He told me he loves me no matter what, and that if we never have children he will still love me the same {even when I am acting like a poop sandwich}… I realized he was right. We have soooo much to be thankful for.

I am looking forward to focusing on myself. I am looking forward to focusing on my husband. I am looking forward to not peeing on a stick every day of my life, and not reading pregnancy forums, and not being stressed about “is this the month?!”, and not laying in bed for 30 minutes after the deed with my legs in the air, and not having some doctor be up in my privates every week. Most importantly, I am looking forward to having sex with my husband whenever I want to just because I want to! I don’t know what the future holds for us. I don’t know how our journey with infertility will end. All I know is that I kind of can’t wait for what is next.

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Infertility & Love.

Dealing with infertility and continuing a loving and respectful relationship is hard. This is one issue you don’t think you will be dealing with when you get married. You think you will be arguing over money or which side of the bed you get to sleep on, not why aren’t we getting knocked up.

It took a while for me to come to the realization that this is just as hard on hubs as it is on me. He feels sad and let down too. He feels like he isn’t performing his job adequately or efficiently {which by the way he is}. I didn’t stop to think about how he was feeling because I was too caught up in my own selfishness and emotions. When I finally took my drunk goggles off and smelled the roses, I was able to understand and deal with my relationship around infertility in a different way. I really do believe infertility has brought us closer and has deepened our marriage on so many levels. Mind you, we have had our ups and downs through this journey.

My tips:

*Remember you are in this together. No matter what your husband or wife is going to be there when this is all said and done. He is the one by your side lifting you up when you had a bad day, he is the one who you cry to after you found out another person is pregnant and it wasn’t you, he is the one who has that sexy shoulder to cry on, he is the one who makes you feel like no matter what he will always love you, he is the one making you laugh when it hurts and you don’t want to, and he is the one who takes your mind off the negative.

*Make him feel needed and special {and not just for his special sauce}.

*Keep the romance. It gets complicated and unsexy when you have to schedule sexy time around your fertility friend app. {an alert pops up- “ITS TIME TO GET BUSY NOW! NOW! NOW! RIGHT NOW!”} No pressure… riiiiighhhttt.  Guys don’t like feeling like they have to live up to some standard or goal- unless their doctor stats are quality and quantity. We have a secret phrase we use when it is go time, something that takes the pressure off. Don’t just have sex when it is prime time. Have sex just because too! Put on some sexy clothes or some mood music- AIR or John Legend are always winners {wink wink}…

*Talk about the future with babies in it. We still talk about names we like and vacations we want to take with our kids. We talk about what our kids will look like and how we will raise them. I think it is important to stay positive in this conversation and have that glimmer of hope that we will be able to implement what we talk about someday.

*Spend time together NOT talking about babies, pregnancy, or fertility. No brainer right. Take advantage of being able to go on spontaneous dates and sleeping in together. It won’t be this way forever…

*Go see the “Cord Cutter”. This could take up another post entirely, but all I gotta say is GO. I heard about Connie with Soul Sync through a few friends that have been to her- I don’t know if they are ok with me saying their names or not so I won’t- but you know who you are and I thank you for bringing Connie into my life! Anyways Connie is sort of like a therapist, but it is a lot deeper than that… She helped hubs and I so much with issues pertaining to our relationship that had nothing to do with infertility but linked it all together. – Connie at Soul Sync

*Hubs won’t always understand your struggle fully. That was a hard one for me to swallow. Even when he is being supportive, there is a big part of him that just doesn’t get why it is so upsetting when Aunt Flow shows every month. Find a community where you feel comfortable and where people understand your struggle completely.

*Keep your crazy in check. I know how those special little fertility pills can turn you into The Exorcist. And it is no fun for anyone. Hubs is not going to want to get sexy with you when you are being an all out b-word or crying at every commercial on tv . It is easier said than done. I know its like Sybil- you don’t really know you have been acting that way until your head is clear the next month.. “I wasn’t that bad on those pills, was I honey?”…. yes you probably were that bad. Just keep it in check. Be EXTRA sweet.

Most importantly be honest with each other and your emotions. Keep an open line of communication. You are both going to have good days and bad days. That is ok.

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