Tag Archives: health

TGIF

TGIF. That’s all I gots to say. This has been a looongggg week! Now I might be jumping ahead of the story but I want to write this down while it is still fresh in my uterus, I mean my mind. {see what I did there}…

Lets start at the beginning of this cycle. I came out of last month with a failed IUI/injectable cycle. It was hard, but for some reason I held it together pretty well. It is getting easier to see one line on the First Response and spotting on the tp every month. It was also easier because I knew we had one more IUI/injectable cycle left to try. Hubs has been such a gem supporting me and showing his love and compassion for me.

Anyhoo, here we are another month, another shot. Literally.  Imagine having to live your life around taking a freaking shot- oh wait- diabetics probably know what I am talking about. I have to give myself- or I should say Hubs has to give me a shot every evening. Same time, same place. 8:00pm sharp in the belly. {I am taking 75iu of Gonal-F and Menupour. I also take Ovidril when it is time to ovulate}. Let me be clear, I did not let hubs give me the shot for the first week last time. That is how dramatic I was about the whole thing. I mean it is scary. My husband is a paramedic for Gods sake and I still could not relinquish the control for a hot second, even though that is what he does for a living- gives people shots. At first the shots gave me anxiety. For those of you who know me, you know what a hypochondriac I am. Typical evening starts like this- 7:15 light the peace aromatherapy candle. 7:25 drench myself in heaven scent essential oil- this helps with calming and anxiety. 7:45 pull out meds and supplies. 7:50 lay down and meditate using deep breaths on couch. 8:00 hubs gives shot. 8:30 I didn’t die. It’s cool. I’m cool. Repeat.

Along with the shots, I have to drive to La Jolla to the doctors every other day {You are monitored closely when taking the injectable medications}. I live in Jamul. You do the math. Don’t get me wrong it’s nice catching up on new JLo music on the ride, but the traffic. I could never be a 9 to 5er. I would kill a b. This week I have had to drive to the doctors every dayyyyyyyy. It just so happens I have been moving quicker this cycle and I was ready for IUI earlier. I produced two mature follies- aka eggs- that will be released- so yes we could be blessed with twins! My doctor also decided he wanted to do back-to-back IUIs {this is when you do one IUI and then come back and do another the next day- obvi}. Good for my chances of conceiving. Not good for my va-jaja or my patience. What I mean is that every time I go to the doctors I have to get a vaginal sonogram to track my uterine lining and growing eggs. TMI but I am sore come Friday and there is no good time to show for it- if you know what I’m talking about. Not only do I have to spread my legs for some quiet and awkward Asian women every morning so she can probe around in there- I really try to engage and ask her how her morning is, but she doesn’t say anything… I also have to spread eagle for some old man- aka my awesome doctor who I really do like- to insert my hubs stuff- I mean you think it is his stuff… joke, it is, but wouldn’t that suck if they mixed it up with someone else’s?{this time we got 77million swimmers with 100% motility and 67million swimmers with 58% motility the next day. You would think with all those little guys swimming around in there they wouldn’t be so dumb as to miss two eggs!! I mean come on that’s a lot of potential babies}. So every day this week someone was up in my privates and it all happened before 9:00am. Way too early people.

IUI itself isn’t that painful. It feels like getting your annual. Afterwards is a little sucky though. You feel bloated and crampy and heavy. The whole process takes around 2 weeks. I know it doesn’t sound like a long time in the scheme of things and it really isn’t. It will all be worth it in the end! But now comes the hard part- the 2 week wait. I have been horrible at this in the past. Checking every symptom online. Testing a week before I am supposed to get my period. Reading every blog there is about everything that is. Well not this time folks. I am cruising this time. So TGIF because I am done with the meds. I am done with rando’s probing around in me. I am done worrying. Now it is a waiting game…. so I am continually visualizing, praying, and smiling for what comes next.

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IUI in all of it’s glory.

This month is our second cycle/last cycle of IUI in conjunction with using injectable medication. We did IUI last month with injectables and were unsuccessful. {I won’t rehash that experience since you will get the jist of it in my next post}. I am going to get into some med talk real quick so you will know what I am referring to in my subsequent posts. So bare with me:

For those of you unfamiliar with infertility talk IUI stands for Intrauterine Insemination. This is when they take your mandangos spooge and clean em up, spin em around, and separate the good from the bad. Then they take that clean, amazing liquid gold {77 million to be exact- in our case} and insert it past your cervix straight into your uterus using a syringe and catheter. This helps bypass any hostel va-jaja and makes it so the sperm doesn’t have to swim as far. Their adventure begins a lot sooner. {all really exciting stuff. I know.}

Injectable medications- in my case- consists of hormones such as Gonal-F and Menupour {75 iu}. These drugs help stimulate a strong ovulation, produce multiple mature eggs, and helps stimulate healthy estrogen production. Like I said before, I don’t have issues with any of these things- or so we think- but the meds can help juice things up. We decided to be aggressive with our treatment since we had tried other oral medications such as Fermera and Clomid with no luck. Our doctor also recommended doing injections because statistically the rate of pregnancy is a lot higher. With that said rates of multiples are a lot higher as well, 30% chance of multiples. Bring it on baby.

In conjunction with using these meds I also do what is called a “Trigger” shot. This is a medication called Ovidril which causes your body to release all your mature eggs instead of the largest of the eggs, usually just one. In a normal cycle your body will only release one mature egg- maybe two, which is how you get fraternal twins. When you do a trigger shot it forces your body to release all your mature eggs and gives you a better chance of conceiving. With that said, you have to be careful here- injectable medications can cause you to over stimulate, causing you produce too many mature eggs that are being released. BOOM this is how you become Octomom or John and Kate Plus 8. Not fun. Your doctor should be monitoring you very closely so that this doesn’t happen. Usually they will have to cancel your cycle if you overstimulate. A good number of eggs to have is between 2-4.

Keep in mind IUI doesn’t increase your chances of getting pregnant that much. In a normal cycle you only have about a 20% chance of conceiving. IUI ups that about 5%. Injectables up it by 19%.  It is a gamble. It is also said that if IUI doesn’t work for you after 3 cycles, it probably won’t work and you should consider moving on to another form of treatment.

IUI with injectables is also very $$$. I was extremely lucky to have a friend who had just gone through IVF. She became pregnant and had unused medication that she gifted me. YES you can do this with fertility medications. If you are interested in doing any kind of medication for fertility I would check with your doctor and ask about using someone else’s unused meds {not talking dirty needles here}. If it wasn’t for my friend Jen I don’t think we would have been able to afford two cycles of IUI. Also, without the support of my parents we would not have been able to continue with our treatments. So thank you to everyone who has helped us 🙂 It is our personal decision that we are only doing two cycles of IUI. I have done research and I believe that if it doesn’t work this time then it wasn’t meant to be. We have talked about other options such as IVF if this door closes. So please pray, send good vibes, do whatever it is that you do that this month is our month!!

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Post 1.

Ask me anything you want about making a baby. I could probably tell you anything and everything you need to know. I can probably even get you pregnant. Example: I have had a handful of friends, who after consulting with me, have gotten knocked up. Dang body why won’t you take your own damn good advice! At this point I should probably quit doing hair and become a full time doula {don’t worry Jen you are still my number 1!}

My story starts 32 months ago. Hubs and I have been married 1 year. We decide this sounds like a good time to start “trying, not trying” for a babes. Plus, two of my friends were knocked up and I didn’t want to be left out! In those first few months you are excited and scared all at the same time because you know it is going to happen this month. No thought ever crosses your mind that you might not be able to get preggo. I mean come on, we live in a society where we are trying so hard NOT to get pregnant because it is sooo easy… when you start to try you think it is going to happen with the snap of your fingers… riiiiighhtttt. Ok, ok, maybe it is easy for some people. I guess I should have started poppin’ them out at 16, had my own reality show or something. Maybe I should have been single in a non-committed relationship, been on drugs, had a one night stand, it seems like those are the ladies who don’t have to try {sorry if you fall into this category and I offended you- really you are the lucky ones}. Anyways, 32 months later we are still trying.

We have the worst diagnosis of why we aren’t getting pregnant {at least in my mind I think it is the worst}. Unexplained Infertility. This is the label they put on you when you have been having unprotected sex for a year or more and have not conceived and nothing diagnostically is wrong with you. Yes, we have had every test done. My tubes are open. My hormones are normal. My progesterone and estrogen are great. I ovulate. My cycle is normal- 27 days to be exact. My lining is great. My eggs are great. Hubs sperm is AMAZING {he is so proud of this he even shows off his stats to his buddies}. Those buster Doctors have no idea why we aren’t getting pregnant. I find this so frustrating because there is nothing we can really do. At least if they pinpoint a reason why you aren’t conceiving you can try and fix it.

I have tried taking vitamins. Not taking vitamins. I have tried paleo. I have tried gluten free. I have tried ice cream and milk- supposedly this helps you ovulate nicely. I have peed on so many ovulation sticks I could fill up a dumpster. I have read the books. I have tried. I have tried not trying. I have done yoga. I have stopped drinking. I have gotten really drunk too- I guess a lot of people get knocked up this way. I have stood on my head- thanks for the advice Auntie Kris. I have laid with my legs up for 30 mins. I have changed my workout routine. I have tried herbs. I have done acupuncture. I have done chiropractic work. I have slept with a moonstone under my mattress. I have worn fertility beads- they look pretty 🙂 I have tried femera. I have tried clomid. I have tried injectable meds and IUI {I will get into details in a later blog post about how much fun it is to prick yourself with needles everyday and have some old man inject you with your husbands sperm- at least you hope it is your husbands}. Basically this unmade child has already cost me a crap ton of money…. haha LONG story LONG I have done it all and really I am just tired. I am Emotionally. Financially. Mentally exhausted.

Maybe this is my Karma or my path in life to just be the coolest aunt ever. I don’t know. But what I have come to realize in the past few months is you can only do so much. I have to let it go and give it up to God- or a higher power/energy whatever you believe. I have prayed for patience. I have prayed for peace. I have learned the meaning of patience so much in the last few years. And recently I have felt a kind of peace and understanding that I have not ever felt before. Although we are still in the last leg of our journey- for now- I am at peace knowing whatever happens is meant to be, will be, and I will be ok….

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In the beginning God Created…

Eve without her apple…

Just kidding. That didn’t happen. Only in my case it would seem…. While the rest of the world is getting knocked up, I am sitting here almost 3 years later wondering, “What’s wrong with me?!”. I should have started this thing a long time ago. Not just for my sanity, but for any other ladies out there who feel all alone in their struggle to reproduce.

I have remained somewhat private about this issue- unless you are my close friend, family member, or husband, in which case you have been lucky enough to hear me bitch and cry for 3 years! Lucky you! So I would like to take this moment to apologize if I have been a cruddy friend or person in recent years- I have been focusing most of my time and energy on this struggle. I have finally come to the realization that I just need to let it be. But really this time, let it be.

This journey has been filled with lots of tears, laughter, pain, headaches, heartaches, fights, make ups, patience, pep-talks, and prayers. Maybe some of you can relate. Maybe some of you can’t. But I invite you along if you would like, to maybe learn, maybe be more compassionate, maybe laugh- hopefully laugh. I hope this blog can be called something different really soon- but until then here are the chronicles of the unfruitfulness…

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