a little crutch

I have decided to be honest with myself. I need a little help right now.

I have worked hard on trying everything natural first to deal with my anxiety and depression over infertility and everything surrounding it. Using essential oils, meditating, exercise, but it’s just not cutting it. I have been feeling worse and worse this past year and more intensely the past few months. My highs are high and my lows are lower. The lows seem to occupy most of my days, more than the good ones. I do a good job faking it, but inside I am hurting. I am breaking.

I decided to see a therapist and my primary care doctor last week because I seriously thought I was having a nervous breakdown at one point. I was hesitant, but accepting of both their advice to take Zoloft for a while. I hate that my infertility has led to me this. It makes me sad and angry all over again! But, I am for the first time, in a long time, hopeful that getting a little help from my friend Z might help me in big ways. I have had a few friends take Zoloft while they were going through infertility and they both said it worked wonders for them. Zoloft is non habit forming and is easy to wean off of when I feel that I am ready to do so. This anti-depressant is also recommended when trying to conceive because you can continue taking it if you do become pregnant. {in the case that I do become pregnant I am pretty sure I will stop, since my depression is situational}. Zoloft also helps with motivation, anxiety, and not letting things effect you as much. I mean I still want to feel, but I am hoping I won’t feel so intensely. I know Z isn’t a magic pill that is going to make everything rainbows and butterflies. I am just hoping it will make things blue birds and waterfalls 🙂 This is scary to write and admit that I need a little crutch at the moment. If I am going to get better and stay sane in my life, my head, my heart, and my journey, I need to own it. It is ok to have a little help.

Other rituals I have started to help with my mood in conjunction with Zoloft:

-Taking fish oil with DHA, which I have read and heard from a good friend, helps with mood and depression.

-I have started listening to nightly meditations before going to bed to help me relax and fall asleep easier. {thanks Justine for the great advice in your book}

-Opening all my blinds in the morning to let the sunshine in. My doctor told me that starting your day off with a little bit of sunlight helps with happiness all day long.

-Cutting back on the caffeine. Now, I am not a big caffeine drinker, I only have a half a cup in the morning and I may get a Starbucks in the after noon and drink half, but doctor told me I should not be drinking caffeine after 2pm. So I will be giving that up.

-No boozing. Ok maybe I will have a glass of wine here or there. You aren’t really supposed to drink when taking Z, so I am going to try and follow that as good as I can!

-Step up my exercise routine. I am climbing 2 days a week, but I need to be going at least 3 along with cardio. I am hoping Z will help step up my motivation.

Z isn’t an instant fix. It will take a couple weeks to feel its full effects. I am just hoping it will be as my friend put it…”It’s like waking up one morning to the most beautiful sunshiny day, when all you have been seeing for weeks is the biggest thunder storm.”

 

 

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11 thoughts on “a little crutch

  1. I’m glad you’ve expressed this because so many of us feel the same way. I have written of my depression and anxiety, my angst of taking Lexapro while trying to get pregnant got the best of me once. Since starting it again a few weeks ago I now realize how beneficial it really is. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed. We all need at accept help once in awhile.

  2. I am so incredibly motivated by your post. Most people don’t have the strength of courage to admit that they need help, let alone share it with the world. I sincerely hope that it helps you and that you won’t need it for long.

  3. Way to be a strong advocate for yourself and also sharing it with us so that we can find the motivation or encouragement to get the help we might need too. There is absolutely no shame in taking Zoloft. In the last 2 years I have seriously considered it multiple times. Thank you for being honest and sharing with us! XOXO

  4. jasonahmed99 says:

    Have you tried CBT(Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) it really helped me. Also be kinder to yourself change your words. Due example don’t say “I need to” as this adds extra pressure which it sounds like you don’t need right now. Say I would like to try and do cardio three times per week. When I had really bad anxiety I found that climbing was my saviour. Whilst I was climbing I thought of nothing else, it was such a great escape. Stay strong, things will improve. There is a positive in this, you will rebuild yourself to be a new and improved you. You’re not alone.

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