Jealous or Envious?

One of my best friends asked me a question recently, “Are you jealous or envious of other women who are pregnant? What is the difference between you feeling jealous or envious?” At the time I had an understanding that they are different emotions, but I didn’t quite know how to explain it…

I came across a fellow blogger on here and love how she explained the two:

“Throughout my work of recovery I have come to understand jealously a little differently. It first started at the Emerging Women conference last October in Boulder when I saw an interview with Tami Simon and Alanis Morissette. Tami interviewed Alanis about the book she is writing and about her work with Relationships First. One of the points she spoke about was what she thinks the difference between jealousy and envy is. She said that jealousy is about connection; that when we are jealous of someone or something it is about self improvement, we want it too. But when we are envious of something we not only want it for ourselves but we want to take it away from the other person, making it not about connection but disconnection. She used a really simple example of her hair. She said something to the effect that she knew many of us in the audience were jealous of how great her hair looked (it was the shiniest most beautiful head of hair I’ve ever seen). She said that some of us were probably jealous of it (for me, she was completely saw my green accurately). She said we just wanted some of the hair gods to shine on us too. So her suggestion was to go out and buy the pomade she used to make it look that gorgeous. She then explained that if we were envious of her hair it would be more about chopping it off her head for ourselves so that not even she could have the luxury of this beautiful mane.”- follow Justine Froelker

So there it is. I feel jealous. NOT envious. I would never want to take away someone else’s joy or happiness. I would never want another woman to feel the pain of infertility. BUT, I do allow myself to feel jealous. I think jealously is a natural emotion to have when we want something someone else has and we don’t.

Justine  also points out how healing jealously can actually come from celebrating it. Yes, I know that sounds crazy but celebrating jealously can actually cure it! I didn’t realize I was already doing this. I am curing myself every time I participate in the vary things I want so badly. Every time I go to a baby shower. Every time I hang out with my mommy friends and their babies. Every time I over night baby sit for my nephew. Every time I go to a 1 year old birthday party my jealously ceases a little bit. I actually feel satisfied and good at the end of the day.

It is easy to let jealously and self pitty get in the way of important connections and relationships. The grass is always greener on the other side right? I am sure some of my mommy friends have been jealous of me. So let yourself feel jealous- but only for a little bit. Then put your big girl panties on and embrace this beautiful life you have been blessed with each morning.

 

 

 

 

 

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Post 10.

We just got back from a great mini vaca in San Felipe, Baja Mexico. This is our special place. It is not only where my husband and I met, but this is where I have had some of my best memories. This is a place where we come to relax, celebrate, and be around the ones we love most.

I was looking forward to this trip for a few reasons- lets be honest, I was really excited because I was right in the middle of my 2 week wait and I knew I was not going to be able to jump on my phone every minute to check if what I am feeling is “normal”. It was nice to be down there and forget about time and reality for a split second. I even got talked into working out a few days while I was there! { I have been making up excuses for a year as to why I can’t workout while trying to get pregnant. I am scared of starting a new routine because it might make me miscarry blah blah blah}. I didn’t even worry about it this time around. What will be, will be. I also wasn’t tempted to drink- I just sipped my O’douls like a champ. I am mainly doing this to keep my body clean and my Dr.  had also recommended not to drink during IUI cycles. So all in all Baja was a great way to pass the time.

Although I couldn’t wait to hang out with family and friends, the weekend started out with a tiny bit of anxiety for me. I was the only non-preggo to be on this trip {what have these girls been drinking?!} I was surrounded by 3 other girls who are all bumpin’-  I guess I hadn’t really thought about what my feelings might be in regards to vacationing with all pregnant girls while I was in my 2 week wait. Of course there was a lot of mama talk, but surprisingly enough I didn’t want to drown myself in the bay after the first couple minutes. I think it helped that they treated me like I was part of the club. They all knew I was in my limbo waiting period and they made me feel hopeful that this was our month. {I really hope their belly dust rubbed off on me.} I forgot to mention there were 2 adorbs babies down there as well- one being my nephew 🙂 Being around them solidified that I really do want to be a mom, but also made me understand why you need 9 months to mentally prepare yourself for the undertaking of being a patient and loving parent- especially when your baby is teething, crying all night, and being a stage 5 clinger. Just sayin’- you need to know you really want this life. If I am being totally honest with myself, I am not completely ready to give up some of my selfishness yet. I know it will change real quick, but I found myself feeling thankful on this trip that I could check out anytime I wanted to hang in the hammock and read my 700 page book.

I think this trip was a little bit of a test for me and I am happy to say that I feel myself getting emotionally stronger every day.  I am incredibly thankful that we have our little special spot where we can go to escape, regroup, and let go…

sanfelipe

 

 

 

 

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